


Ek dil hi khud mein bahot hai.

by ayushmannbhava



Category: Shubh Mangal Zyada Saavdhan (2020)
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, Gap Filler, Hurt/Comfort, Kartik loves Gulab Jamun, Light Angst, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-11
Updated: 2020-03-11
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:21:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23104666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ayushmannbhava/pseuds/ayushmannbhava
Summary: Kartik and Aman retire to the room the night following the drama around Aman's almost wedding to Kusum.[English translations in brackets following dialogues]
Relationships: Kartik Singh/Aman Tripathi
Comments: 24
Kudos: 84





	Ek dil hi khud mein bahot hai.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys,
> 
> I am back to board the angst train. This little snippet just basically fills the gap between Aman's wedding being called off and the next morning.
> 
> //tw//
> 
> Minor episodes of panic attack.

As the excitement of the night died down, Kartik found himself alone for a few minutes. Aman was in his parents' room, speaking with his mother. What a night they had had! From Aman's wedding being called off to the police officers almost catching them together. Everything had happened in a rush and now, it was just as quiet as loud it had been a few minutes ago. Kartik found a corner next to the bed and curled up against the sideboard. The Tripathi house had become so familiar to him; he could really picture his life here, with Aman. The usual noises in the household had eventually died and it was quiet.

The only sounds he could hear other than his heart thumping in his chest were the muffled whispers of Chaman chacha speaking to the two police officers. Throwing his head back on his neck, Kartik rested it on the edge of the mattress and closed his eyes, counting the beats of his heart. The last few days had made him relive the horror of losing his family a few years ago. The thought of having to see Aman go through the same thing, or worse, lose him to his family had tormented him more than he had led himself to believe. And all that exhaustion was now getting to him. 

He took a deep breath and let his shoulders slump, only to realized that he had had them tensed for quite some time. Allahabad was getting colder everyday but when he shivered, he knew it wasn’t because of the arriving winter. He knew he needed to eat something sweet right now. The exhaustion coupled with his anxiety born out of his past experiences often gave him these chilly episodes where he could feel every part of his body freeze. Each time this happened in Delhi, Aman would be ready with something for Kartik—maggi, chocolate cake, or just hide n seek biscuits. Anything that could make him feel better. 

Kartik scoffed. Aman was somewhere in the house right now, but he was too far away to hear Kartik's heart calling out to him. He had to deal with this one himself. As he gulped the lump down his throat, he felt a wetness on the side of his eyes. Kartik swallowed and squeezed his eyes shut. They burnt warm with tears that rolled out. He clenched his fists together and gritted his teeth—a feeble attempt to calm down. The crooked edges of his nails hurt him as he dug his fingers into his palms. As the tears continued to stream down, he felt his breathing shake and break unevenly. He had been this close to losing Aman to the society. Aman Tripathi, the love of his otherwise traumatic life. The man had entered his life when Kartik was getting better at dealing with the impact that his childhood had had on his mind and on the way, he had started dealing with the world. Aman Tripathi, a boy when they had first met, had just come out of the clutches of his family and was learning to live and love who he really wanted to. In different ways, they had healed each other, filled the empty parts of each other's lives, and allowed each other to grow up, normally. Kartik had dated people before but he had never been in love with anyone before Aman. He liked the fickle nature of casual dating until Tripathi had stormed into his dorm and life and shaken him to the very core of his existence. Aman had made Kartik question everything about his views on life. 

Kartik never knew that he could have someone who would sense his pain without him telling; someone who would know when he was angry, and when he was just dramatically hungry; someone who would scold him for drinking ice water in winters; and someone who would call and ask what time Kartik would be heading back home 

He furrowed his brows and let his quivering self breakdown in quietness of the room. Aman had taught him this as well—that it was ok to feel, to cry, to be sad, and to show it. His lips curved into a smile as he remembered that Aman wasn’t going to go anywhere anytime soon. Aman was going to stay with him. 

Aman. 

His boyfriend. 

The one with the best voice he had heard in his life. There was magic in the way Aman called out Kartik's name. “Kartik!” It sounded like authority, possession, love, and claim altogether. 

“Kartik,” he heard his name again before his head was ushered against warm fabric. “Kartik, shaant,” _[_ _Kartik, relax_ _]_ he heard it again, Aman's voice, like a constant reminder. “Shaant,” his head was nestled in the crook of what felt like Aman's neck. But, Kartik was too dazed with everything going on his head to register the fact. He sighed, dropping his weight onto his Aman-like presence around him. If he was imagining him here and it was calming him down, it wasn’t exactly a bad dream. 

“Thande ho gaye hai tere haath,” _[Your hands have gone cold]_ the voice echoed as Kartik felt someone rubbing his back. “Mummy, khane mein meetha jo bhi bana hai , please bhijwa dijiye , abhi ,” _[Mummy, can you ask someone to get me whatever dessert they have prepared?]_ another echo sounded in Kartik's ear. He was wrapped in a cloud of cologne that he recognized too well, but his mind couldn’t ascertain that it was Aman comforting him. “Kartik, sun, jab hum pehli baar date pe gaye the, tune kya order kiya tha ?” _[Kartik, listen to me. The first night we went out on a date. What did you order for us?]_

_Ice cream._

_Ice cream._

_Ice cream._

Kartik parted his lips and mumbled a soft, “Ice cream.” He lifted his hands and traced the palms up the back of this man who sounded like Aman. 

“And mera favourite flavour kaunsa hai?” _[And what is my favourite flavour?]_ the voice asked again. 

_Mint._

_Choco chip_

_Oreo?_

_No,_ _P_ _ista_ _?_

Kartik grumbled in his head, confused by the answer. “You don’t have a favourite ice-cream flavour,” he sighed loudly. Aman doesn’t. He eats whatever Kartik makes him. 

“Mere liye flavour nahi...” _[Because for me, not flavour...]_

“Meri company important hai,” _[But the person I am eating ice cream with, is important]_ Kartik completed the statement for him and dared to open his eyes. He saw the Tripathi guest room from the corner of Aman's sherwani. “Aman,” he gasped, pulling away from the man. There were wet stains of tears on Aman's chest. Aman cupped Kartik's face and thumbed away the remnants of tears. 

“Tu theek hai,” _[You are fine.]_ the man assured him. “Hum, theek hai ,” _[We are fine.]_ Aman added. He urged Kartik closer and removed the distance between their lips. Kartik hesitated as soon as Aman’s warm skin touched his. He wanted to savour the moment of being able to kiss Aman freely now, but he knew better than that. There were two cops right outside their room, waiting to pounce on them. “Koi nahi hai ,” _[There’s nobody outside]_ Aman didn't have to wait for Kartik to verbally express his hesitation. He knew him more than he knew himself. “Shh,” he whispered against Kartik’s dry lips and locked them back together. 

The kiss didn’t last very long as Kartik pulled away at the first sound of approaching footsteps. Aman swallowed dryly and takes Kartik into a tight embrace instead. He can’t believe that the man who didn’t care or give a damn about the world is conscious of kissing him, in front of his family. Sunaina Tripathi entered the room, holding a tray in her hand. She stopped, noticing Aman and Kartik having a moment and contemplated if she should leave. Kartik’s head was nestled in the crook of Aman’s neck, and her son was incessantly rubbing his boyfriend’s back. “Aman”, she mumbled. Kartik pulled back, replacing the distance between them. “Meetha,” _[Dessert]_ she whispered, holding out a tray towards her son. 

Watching him so intimately care for Kartik looked odd for the culture she had been brought up into, but she was wise enough to know that change always began from within. And if her son’s reality is something she has been so wrong about, there isn’t a thing Sunaina wouldn’t do to change her opinion. “Gulab jamun hi tha, baaki toh kheer hai par tu subah baat kar raha tha ki _isse_ kheer kam pasand hai ,” _[There was only Gulab Jamun left, and kheer. But you were saying this morning that he doesn’t like kheer._ _So_ _I just got Gulab Jamun.]_ she nudged. Aman’s lips curved into a smile when he realized his mother had been listening to him. 

“Thank you, mummy. Aapko rukne ki zarurat nahi hai,” _[Thank you mummy. You don’t need to wait here. I have got this.]_ he shrugged, knowing that his family may have accepted him and Kartik, but the change wouldn’t happen in a day. They needed time, and frankly, so did Aman. 

“Nahi woh... main bahar hi hoon. Police wale ghar pe hai, toh bas main bahar nazar rakhti hoon,” _[No, I will be outside. The police_ _are_ _still at home, and I will just keep a watch. You don’t worry.]_ she smiled and hesitantly walked to the main door. 

Aman turned his attention back to Kartik and pulled them up on the bed. He cut into the sweet and scooped one bite into a spoon. “Mummy ke haath ke gulab jamun world mein sabse acche hai,” _[My mother makes the best Gulab Jamun in the whole world]_ he urged Kartik to open his mouth. The other man was still slightly out of it and dazed. He slowly chewed into the sweet and gave Aman a smile to reassure him. “ Accha hai ?” _[Do you like it?]_ Aman asked again. 

“Hmm,” Kartik nodded. The dessert was indeed tasty. Kartik wasn’t lying about that. 

… 

Later that night, Kartik nestled his way on Aman’s chest and released his troubled breaths. “Bahot din ho gaye na?” _[It’s been a while, hasn’t it?]_ Aman asks. 

“Bahot,” _[It has.]_ Kartik smiled against Aman’s chest. He lifted his head and shifted closer, rubbing his way in the crook of his neck. Aman bent down and pressed a kiss on his forehead. “Ab kabhi nahi ,” _[Never again, though.]_ he assured his boyfriend. 

“Teri family bahot acchi hai.” 

“Nahi acche hai,” Aman shook his head, “tu accha hai, isliye tujhe sab acche lagte hai,” he sighed. “But mujhe unki baat nahi karni... abhi sirf tu aur main,” he added. 

“Aman, unhe chance dena padega na. They’ve opened their arms for us and taken the first step. Now we got to take another step towards them. Aur rahi baat meri, main toh yahin hoon, tere paas, humesha. Sirf tu aur main,” _[We need to give them a chance. They’ve opened their arms for us and taken the first step. Now we got to take another step towards them. And about me, I am here, with you, always. Only you and me.]_ Kartik repeated. He looked up at Aman and cupped his jaw, thumbing the stubbled jawline softly. “Mujhe maaf kar de. Ye saari situation mein main tujhe blame kar raha tha jabki teri koi galti hi nahi thi . Aur main iss situation se guzar chuka hoon aur maine hi aise react kiya , I am very sorry,” _[I am sorry for dumping the entire situation on you. It wasn’t your fault and as someone who’s gone through something similar, I should have known better]_ Aman is shocked at how Kartik blurts all of this out. His eyes well up for a moment and he smiles, cupping Kartik’s face. Ushering his head closer, he presses their lips together. Kartik closes his eyes and breathes out, relishing this moment with him. 

“Kartik, you were looking out for me. Haina? Toh bas jaane de woh sab.” _[Kartik, you were looking out for me, right? So, let it go]_ Aman shrugs. “Hum saath hai ab, humesha rahenge ... aur yeh pal, yeh kuch din, bas yaad mein ek chhota sa gaddha banke reh jayenge . Yaad hi nahi rahega ,” _[_ _You and I will be together, always. And these moments, these few days, they’ll become a dot in our memories one day. We won’t even remember what happened]_ he added. 

“Tu itna samajhdaar bhi hai kya?” _[When did you get so wise?]_ Kartik arched a brow and gave him a lopsided smile. Aman shook his head and chuckled. He could finally see _his_ Kartik back in this Kartik’s eyes. 

“Tune bana diya smart, warna main kahaan,” _[Well, you made me wise. Otherwise... I would have just, you know!]_ Aman teases back, ruffling through Kartik’s hair. 

“Accha?” _[Yeah?]_ Kartik scoffs. 

“Accha!” _[Yeah.]_ Aman trails his arms around Kartik’s waist and tightens his grip, pressing Kartik to his chest. Kartik feels the gesture and proudly buries his face back in chest, closing his eyes. 


End file.
